A pandemic is still happening. It’s still happening and I had control for a while but now, I just feel stuck. Routine tasks are difficult to complete. Procrastination is at an all time high. My mom asked me what I was doing the other day. My response: avoiding all responsibilities.
It’s a very weird place I’m in. I’ve experienced maybe a day or two like this. This feels like eternity. My normal routines aren’t helping me either. I would go to bed between 8 and 10 PM. Now, I feel nocturnal. I’m watching more Netflix and Hulu than I normally do. I feel like an insomniac. Last time I feel like this was junior year, spring semester during finals. This rut won’t last forever but it’s tiring. More mentally taxing because you know what to do but have no intrinsic or extrinsic motivation to do.
What I’m learning through this is to be thankful for little. Small bouts of gratitude for progress. I often have to remind myself that it is progress not perfection. I’m so hard on myself that it feels like I don’t take my foot off the gas. I’m choosing progress. That’s my phrase to myself. I’m choosing progress. Progress looks like getting back into the Bible, podcasts by black creators, reading because it’s interesting and not because I have to. Progress is writing what comes to mind. Progress is taking the time to meditate even if it is five minutes a day. Progress is taking a walk or jog. Progress is coming off social media, checking on friends and pouring into my business ventures.
I’m choosing progress. I’m choosing to extend myself grace in unprecedented times. I’m leaning into what knows me best: God and his word.
What does progress look like for you? How do you extend yourself grace? What is something you are grateful for?