SoS: Finding Who You Are in Failure

SoS: The Season of Singleness.

Whew. I can’t remember the last time I had to cater and contemplate someone else’s decisions and feelings. If I had to describe my last relationship: whirlwind.

This is one of the very last pictures I could find. We seem very happy. Well, personally, I was miserable. Two different schools in two different cities with two different priorities in mind. This is not a post to bash him (far from it). This is me speaking on my experiences.

You see, I had seen a relationship of a former close friend that was, for lack of better words: toxic. My friend’s relationship and mine where budding around the same time. Our men lived the same life: college athlete. I had made up my mind a long time ago that I would never be a cleat chaser or an athlete’s girlfriend.

I took that into our relationship, too. A relationship that lasted most of my undergraduate experience. We become official in November of our freshmen year, but I wanted to live the life at UGA. All my mentors talked about how much I would grow and and lean at UGA. I wasn’t letting him get in my way. I pushed myself into opportunity after opportunity and I THRIVED. I became involved in an organization that STILL has my heart and support. I found friends that are lifelong and have memories that will go up in the rafters. I was home.

But how is all this beneficial to a relationship?

Growing up, I knew to never to depend on people to build who you are (in the sense of total image control). 18 year old Alexas thought she was doing everything right by having her own identity and making a name for herself. I had my own thoughts, opinions and experiences and made sure were heard. I started making sure my opportunities built my brand, my legacy, my impact.

Trust me, we argued about our busy schedules. Plenty of times. Between study halls, organizational meetings, practices and just trying to get sleep, what time was there for each other? FaceTime calls where just there. A small attempt to put a band-aid on the growing separation.

The picture below is the first picture I took post- breakup. This was a week (?) after I broke things off. I was in one of my favorite places with two of the closest people to me, but I really felt confused. I loved my ex, but at the time, I was confused on how something that was so good turned out to be the thing that was hurting us the most.

This is the first time I’m really talking about my experience because for a long time, I was the girl that did (most) things when you were supposed to. But that relationship, that bond, those moments changed how I now view life, especially mine.

For a short while, my experiences afterwards did not make the discovery process any easier. I didn’t wallow in it. I was heartbroken, and kept questioning where we could have done better. I could have visited more and wanted to be more involved in being at his side. But not doing that taught me something.

The first thing: What is not brought together by God will not survive. AT ALL. If my story is not a testament to that, then I don’t know what it is. God didn’t bless the mess.

Secondly, know who you are or grow to find out who you are. After three years, I have realized that part of me never knew how to operate in my own identity partly because it was still developing. I had my morals, but I needed more time to figure out what exactly where I stood in relationships.

Lastly, seek God. He has the blueprint for how relationships SHOULD be. After reading Relationship Goals by Pastor Mike Todd, I realized that I never knew how Godly relationships were supposed to function. I took my own decisions and choices and just threw “God did this” on top of it.

My story with relationships sparked the SoS Series because I’ve realized that many of us do not know how to sit within our singleness. I’ll be talking about how important this season is, no matter how long this season may be.

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